June 24, 2009
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The Racist Barber
My barber comes across as a nice old man. He always remembers who I am, only charges $10 for a quality haircut, and likes to laugh a lot and joke around with his customers. However, I’ve counted twice now where his joking has crossed the line and made me feel uncomfortable. The first time this happened was when he was giving me a haircut and a black man walked past his front door. “He won’t be coming in here,” my barber said. “They like those strange haircuts.” This made me feel uncomfortable and I ended up telling my barber that some of my close friends happen to be African Americans, and he changed his tone a bit. Even though I found his comment shady I decided to give him another chance. Yet a few weeks ago he told a story about a black man who tried playing a practical joke on him, and how he outsmarted the black guy and turned the joke around on him. Again, I felt uncomfortable. Why did he include the man’s race in his story, as though it were an integral part of the story? And so I’ve come to the conclusion to not support him as a barber anymore. Why should I have to feel uncomfortable in his barbershop even though those times may be few and far between? Even so, this decision is bittersweet, simply because I usually enjoyed the community and conversation that I found in that barber shop.
Have you ever stopped supporting a business based on ethical reasons?
Comments (31)
I cannot remember a time when I’ve frequented a place and encountered any sort of prejudice… maybe it’s because I don’t really “frequent” places – I just go somewhere when I feel like it. Ha. Anyway, I hope your former barber realizes his mistake. Racism is a sad, sad thing.
it’s really not an excuse i promise, but depending on his age, he may never “get it” and he may not mean anything as bad by it as you may think. my grandma, rest her soul, was a nightmare to go out with in the later days, but she was born in 1912 and was just raised in the age of segregation—-revolution & change but she never really got PC she was already older and set in her ways….but she was a kind and sweet woman who i honestly don”t believe she ever meant anything harmful by her comments…but sometimes i would cringe and apologize for her as she walked away. but yes, if it makes you uncomfortable or you feel he is being racist i wouldn’t go back either. i went to a hairstylist before that preached and preached and preached and i stopped going to her because if i wanted to be preached to i would go to church not the hair stylist. i realize now where she was coming from trying to share her faith but at the time…it made me not want to go to her again….i just wanted a haircut.
I’ve met people at school that will say a lot of racist things and I heard a lot of people say racist and prejudiced things during this past election. However, I don’t think I’ve ever had to leave somewhere because of it.
Yes, why pay to be uncomfortable..you can do that for free.
I don’t think he was being racist.
I have cousins who are hairdressers and you have to take totally different classes to learn how to take care of black people’s hair. its a totally different type.
that’s why so many black people just have salons for them only. I suppose it doesn’t SAY that on the door, but everyone pretty much knows what it is. I don’t think that’s racist either. Different hair needs for different people.
One time I was going to a hair salon, and I made an appointment by phone, and they asked me if I had “ethnic” hair.. because if I did they would have had to get the hairstylist that knew how to do it.
I’ve tried to avoid Wal-Mart, but honestly, I like paying less for stuff.
Sucks that you now have to find a new barber….!
My roommate & I used to buy all our groceries at one supermarket, but then he found out about the unethical treatment of animals they use to process their meat and now he won’t eat any of it from there.
Now we shop at Wholefoods.
I actually quit a job becuz of a similar situation
Many times! No big deal…keep it moving. Good luck w/ the new barber.
I probably would have done the same thing.
i don’t think he was being racist by saying they like “strange” haircuts. to him, it strange. I’m a hairstylist, and I can not cut african-american hair. It is completely different to me, and i wouldn’t know how to cut it. The way they have it cut is nothing like the way white men get theirs cut. He could have worded it differently though.
good luck finding someone else that can cut your hair the way you like it.
reminds me of my grandfather… really sweet… but When it comes to Black people an gay men… And it hurts even more because my father is gay… I ca’t stand hearing it… and When he gets in his modes I’ve just begin to refuse to be around him… since he can not respect me enough to keep his mouth shut about things… Not change his view.. but atleast be respectful!!!
I would stop supporting a business I knew to be racist. I don’t think I would have stopped in your case.
Case in point; I have had several black friends who make derogatory comments about white folks, but would never actually discriminate against them or hate them. Sometimes you have to allow for the fact that white and black America have created rather different cultures for themselves. Sometimes they just mix like oil and water. That doesn’t mean either is necessarily racist. This is particularly true of older generations of both ethnic groups, who were even more used to segregated life. But a lot of them, under the pressure of circumstance, would treat their ethnic counterparts as equals or better. Have you ever seen Gran Torino?
@elgaberino - I loved Gran Torino, and these thoughts have crossed my mind. I really want to do the right thing here, and I still do have serious questions as to what that should be. Thanks much for your thoughts.. I’ll consider them! Pete
@elgaberino - Dammit, that was my comment. I wouldn’t leave because of it. If the barber were a younger man, I’d consider it, but he’s old. I would cut him some slack.
@misuriver - Thanks much for the comment.
Pete
i agree with some of the comments above…it would depend on his age.
while telling a story i find myself specifiying whether the other person was a certain race…not BECAUSE i am being prejudiced, but rather it describes the person i am talking about. and sometimes, explains some of how they were carrying themselves, how they responded, etc.
because culture affects that, and different races, even in the united states, have a different style of our culture.
this is all dependent on what the barber’s tone, etc was, however.
I stopped going to the Irish pub after hearing the bartender/owner go on a long, very racist rant against African Americans. I stopped going to post-high current events discussion group at church because they constantly disparaged political moderates and democrats.
Clearly, you didn’t think he was merely racist because he made a comment about black people’s hair. The issue was the tone and the following incident. And in my opinion, racist comments are racist. There should be no excuses for people who say things but would ”never actually discriminate” because saying those things is discriminating.
I have the pleasure of working for someone who loudly and often shares racist jokes, even after I point blank told him I was offended. I hate working for/supporting him on a daily basis, but I guess I don’t find it offensive enough to quit before finding another job. Bottom line: he crossed the line that offends you too many times, and it bothers you enough to leave, so I think you should leave, guilt free. Who knows? Maybe he’ll put two and two together and stop saying those things if he loses enough business.
Yes I have
Now you need to ask yourself if this man really does discriminate, or if he just comes from a time when it was ok to make jokes about each other. My great grandmother sounded horrible when she talked about black people. But in her day she was a real civil rights activist. Back when that was not such a popular thing to be. If you judged her by her archaic way of talking, you would have thought her a racist. A woman who was called “a nigger lover” for being so vocal about her views on civil rights would easily have have been judged a racist. All based on a way of speaking that was not at all hateful when she was young
I have a good way to deal with people like that-just say that sounds racist to me
that sounds sexist to me.
that sounds…..
you state how you feel and they should shut up and watch what they say from then on or if they’re old I just don’t laugh or say anything to make them think I agree with them
@eowynnabeeowyn - Thanks for the feedback, which is insightful as always
@misuriver - sorry for stealing your thunder, but I am glad you agree. I like barbers, even grumpy old backwards ones.
You’re free to pick whoever you want to do your hair. Racism is sadly everywhere in variable amounts. Perhaps your barber, as others have said before me, is at a point in life he is beyond repair or perhaps he has personal reasons for why he might be like that. I know my parents try to be open-minded, but at the same time carry some prejudice against black people… my dad, well, working so long as a city cop… and then my mom had been beaten up as a kid by black kids.
Hey pete, I support you completely. I would have done the same thing in that situation. I don’t recall a time where I had to make the choice myself, but it wouldn’t be a hard one for me to make. It’s a shame… but it’s out there.
Be well, *~matthew~*
I’m sorry you had to sever ties with your barber because of those incidences, but I can understand why… and yes, I have stopped supporting a business based on ethical reasons — I no longer shop at Wal-Mart, after seeing “The High Cost of Low Price” and reading other various articles/stories about their unethical business practices.
It’s good that you’re doing best for what you belive in, and yourself too. If you feel uncomfortable, of course you’re gonna wanna get out of there ASAP, good on ya!
As for the point of this, people always bring race into things where it isn’t necessary, I’d really like to know why, but I don’t.
I don’t think either of those are really especially offensive, nor would either have made me uncomfortable.
And this is coming from being a person who expects that ”she won’t be coming in here” is being said when I walk past 90% of respectable businesses.
I really don’t think age should come into play. It’s okay to understand their situation in being older and living in a different era, but I still don’t think that is an excuse for being racist. I think your decision in leaving the barber shop is the right one & I’m almost positive I would have done the same thing. Best of luck in the future. Leaving the barber shop will lead to new adventures.
You did the right thing, I think. I choose not to shop places all the time based on how they treat others. Cracker Barrel? Never eat there. They’re racist AND homophobic in their hiring policies. Mobil? Never get gas there. They’re anti-gay. And Caribou? I don’t get coffee there because they don’t participate in fair trade, basically getting their coffee beans through slave labor.
So…yes.
@bleuzeus - Thanks Matthew, I know we all have our weaknesses but prejudice in general can really frustrate me